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A note about the blue plaid background: This
is the Scottish Tartan for the Clark Clan. Our lineage seems to be
mostly English, but there's also a mix of a lot of other
nationalities as well, including, I believe, at least a wee bit of
Scottish.
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I miss my parents.
It's weird being more or less an orphan. For so many years, as is
typical, I really didn't want to have too much to do with them. Kind
of like our teens are with us today.
They were so old-fashioned, and, it seemed, intrusive
and not particularly smart about stuff. But they were always good for
a free meal, freshly laundered clothes, and a little extra cash!
My dad died first while I was living in New
Jersey. It's at times like that that being alone is hard.
Somehow I managed to make flight arrangements, find someone to
watch my cat and take care of my mail, and to even take over
some critical job responsibilities at work. I flew home to New
Castle and for about two weeks, kind of became my dad, the
strong silent type.
At the viewing I stood by mom's side. Somehow I
knew that's where I belonged, and it was where I wanted to be.
I didn't cry much then. Strong boys don't cry. But I have
since. Especially on Father's Day, or when the Indy 500 runs,
and every time something happens that I wish I could talk to
dad about. A son always needs his dad, I guess.
Mom died eight years later. My sister was
living with her and found her one morning. It was traumatic
for sis and I'm sorry she had to have that experience.
It happened near Christmas. We were
having one of the coldest early winters we'd had in
central Indiana at the time. It was very cold and very icy.
I don't know if it was because she was my
mother or that I now had no more parents that made it harder.
At any rate, it was different than when dad died. I cried more
and didn't feel so strong. Mostly, I was just a grown man who
really wanted his mommy.
I still do. |


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My parents were good people. They did a decent
job with me and sis. They brought us up in the love of the
Lord, teaching us how to have our own faith and not letting us
try to get by on theirs. That's a pretty good legacy.
It also meant their funerals were not so much
times of sorrow, but times of well-rooted joy. We were sad to
have lost them, but we knew where they were. In fact, nearly
every year after dad's death, right up to the present, there have
been funerals of aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. At
each one there is sadness over our loss, but joy over their
gain. They're all with God and having a great time! We'll
carry on, cherishing the memories, until it's our time to join
them. |
In
Loving Memory to Mom & Dad
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Pictured above with my mom and dad are my sister, Carol Ann, and me,
Stephen!
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Walter
Ray Clark
Jan. 2, 1922 - July 29, 1992 |
Grace
Armenda Vae Clark
July 8, 1920 - Dec. 13 , 2000 |
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A Tribute to
My Father
In memoriam
There are two verses that
have come to mind as I've thought about my Dad. The first
is Ephesians 2:10: "For we are God's workmanship, created
in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in
advance for us to do."
The word workmanship implies
such things as quality, excellence, craftsmanship -- work
that's done with love and care, and that endures. These are
qualities that God has lavished on us all. And, since we are
called to imitate our heavenly Father, these are qualities we
need to exhibit in our own lives, in all we do.
There are few men I've known
who exhibited these qualities as well as my Dad did. Not
only was he an excellent example of God's workmanship, but my
Dad's workmanship will stand forever as a memorial to his
devotion to his family, his friends, his God.
The second verse is John 15:13:
"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his
life for his friends." There are many ways to lay down
one's life for others. By this I mean putting aside your own
concerns to focus on the needs of others. Every day of his
life my Dad would do just that. He was always willing to help
anyone in any kind of need any way he could.
My father was a man of
immense character. And, he was also a bit of a character.
The impact he has had on others--many others--is evidenced by
your presence here today. We have all, in different ways, been
touched profoundly by the workmanship he exhibited in all he
did, and by his willingness to lay aside his life to focus on
our need. He was never stingy about sharing joy and love with
all he met.
As I've said several times in
the past few days, while I'm saddened by my father's death, I
rejoice even more. I rejoice because my Dad really isn't dead.
He's home with the Lord. Of that I'm absolutely certain. And I
rejoice, too, because he lives on in all of us. He's in our
hearts and memories.
I rejoice most, though, because
he's my Dad. I loved him very much, and I know he loved me.
I've always been proud of him, and I know he was proud of me.
He taught me by what he said and how he lived what being a
Christian man means. Because Walter Clark is my Dad, I will be
forever grateful. And because of his example and the faith
I've acquired as a result, this song is not just a song [that
my sister and I sang], but a solid reality in my life:
When
peace like a river attendeth my way
When
sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever
my lot, Thou hast taught me to say
It
is well. It is well with my soul.
It
is well with my soul.
It
is well, it is well with my soul.
My
sin, O, the bliss of that glorious thought
My
sin not in part but the whole
Is
nailed to the cross and I bear it no more
Praise
the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
It
is well with my soul.
It
is well, it is well with my soul.
And
Lord haste the day when the faith
shall be sight
The
clouds be rolled back as a scroll
The
trump shall resound and the Lord
shall descend
Even
so, it is well with my soul.
It
is well with my soul.
It
is well, it is well with my soul.
Stephen
R. Clark
Saturday, August 1, 1992
First Assembly of God Church
New Castle, Indiana
A Boy After His
Father's Own Hand
My family frequently
took the traditional driving vacation in summer. The four of
us—me, mom, dad, sis—loaded into the Olds and took off
across the country. Each year we went the same direction—away.
Since the car
didn’t have A/C we looked forward to stopping at a Stuckey’s
or other tourist trap site to cool off and de-stickify
ourselves. And every motel we stayed in had to have a
pool—that was my requirement.
One summer we
stopped to explore the wonders of a cavern called Cave of the
Winds located in Manitou Springs, Colorado. The signs promised
that "whatever the temperature outside, it’s always a
comfortable 54 degrees inside."
When you’re inside
a car with vinyl upholstery, no air conditioning, two kids who
love to pick on each other, and it’s 80+ outside, dad didn’t
need to use curiosity as an excuse to stop. The promise of time
spent in the cool got everyone’s attention.
The tour was cool,
totally cool, taking us deep into the heart of the earth. The
huge rising stalagmites and hanging stalactites were awesome,
especially as they were enhanced by colorful and dramatic
lighting. Every twist and turn of the path brought appreciative
ooohs and aaahs.
At one point during
the tour, to give us a full appreciation of how dark a cave
really was, the lights were turned off. We were instructed to
take the hands of companions, parents, and children, and not to
move an inch. The lights went out and it truly was The Big Dark!
Being the
"proud little man" that I was, I pulled free of
dad’s hand to scratch my nose and shift my feet a bit, turning
around trying to see in the darkness—just for a second. I was
brave—just for second. Then I reached for the comfort of a
hand again.
When the lights came
on I quickly sensed something was wrong. I was horrified to
discover that I wasn’t holding my dad’s hand. It was the
hand of a stranger and dad was nowhere immediately visible.
Actually, he was only a few feet away—but there were a lot of
other feet, legs, and adult bodies towering between me and him,
and I was only about four feet tall! To me, a wee kid, he may as
well have been eons away.
That moment—and it
was in reality only a moment before dad reclaimed me—gave rise
to terror, confusion, bewilderment, remorse, regret, and a rush
of other emotions. I was stunned that my momentary letting go of
dad’s hand had put me at terrible risk and at such distance
from him so quickly.
David, who spent
some time in caves, is a fascinating biblical character for a
lot of reasons. What I find most amazing is what’s said of him
by God: "After removing Saul, [God] made David their king.
[God] testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of
Jesse a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him
to do.’" (Acts 13:20-22).
God says David is
"a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him
to do." Does that mean David never made a mistake? Not at
all. We’ve got nearly the whole scoop on his failures and
misdeeds in the Old Testament. David did all God wanted him to
do, and a few He didn’t. Some of those things were tragic.
Yet, through it all, David still was a man after God’s own
heart. As a deer pants after the water, so David’s soul longed
and sought after God relentlessly, through success and failure,
through blessings and woes. So it should be with us and our
relationship to our heavenly Father.
How many times each
day throughout our busy weeks and months do we play the proud
Prodigal and do our own thing? Each decision—insignificant or
momentous—gives us the opportunity to hang on to God’s hand
in utter dependence, or let go and go our own way to never good
consequences. When we come to our senses, the distance between
us and God feels like a boundless chasm of guilt, shame, and
regret. Yet, the reality is that He never is very far away at
all.
Going through life
can be like walking through an unfamiliar room lit with a strobe
light—or one where someone is constantly turning the lights on
and off. We confront people and situations which bring both
darkness and light. It can be disorienting and exhausting. Our
ultimate goal is to get from one side of the room to the other
in one piece—to move through our lives holy and preserved. But
there are a gazillion unseen hazards seeking our hurt.
The moving from
light to dark to light to dark forces us to press on in faith
because we can’t always see clearly where we’re going or
what’s in front of us. As with David, our hearts long after
and draw us toward God, yet there are moments our self lets go
of His hand and we do those things He never intended for us to
do. We stand in the dark holding the wrong hand.
In the cave, when
the lights came up and I realized my situation, you could say
that I became a boy hard after my dad’s own hand! While in my
tiny act of rebellious independence I’d let go, I was still my
father’s son and coveted his protection and care. My hand was
in another’s, but my heart belonged to my dad. So it is even
now. Our lives become flawed by sin, yet we’re still men and
women after God’s own heart. The stains of sin are not
indelible when washed in His blood.
With Paul, we can
say, "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken
hold of [perfection]. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is
behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the
goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in
Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:13-14).
God is loving,
faithful, and patient. When we pull away, He’ll let us go.
When we wake up to our folly, His hand is always right there,
open, reaching toward us. But better yet, why even pull away at
all. There’s nothing wimpy about dependence on God. Real men
and women aren’t afraid to be seen holding His hand.
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The Thing With Mothers
In memoriam
The grace of God most often
flows to us through others.
I believe the most eloquent human conduit of this grace is a
mother.
The thing with mothers is that, as a child of one, you're
always a child. Dads more or less let their kids grow up.
With mom, you're forever her "baby" even when you're
in your high forties and beyond. It can be really annoying at
times. Especially when you're with her and others are around
and she launches into her favorite "most embarrassing
moment but oh so adorable" story about you. Like the one
time you got mad and stomped out the door muttering,
"Nag, nag, nag. Every day it's the same old thing: Comb
your hair, blow your nose, tie your shoes! I'm just going
outside to play for crying out loud!"
She thought it was cute. You keep telling her that you and
cute parted company over three decades ago, but she remains
unfazed and merely responds with something like "Whatever
you say, my little precious. Would you like me to make some
brownies for you, dear?"
Of course, you say yes! Being babied can also be quite
wonderful.
For instance, when you've got a sore throat that you know
is really a terminal illness masquerading as a cold, having
mom around wouldn’t be such a bad thing, especially when
you're all alone in New Jersey. She could cure anything with a
mere caress of your cheek and kiss on the forehead. Moms are
medicinal marvels!
So, it's not always such a bad thing to be babied. And
moms know that.
That's why they do it no matter how much we object and
fuss. They just take it in stride and give us another spit
bath, wiping away the smudges of the most recent of life's
hurts and disappointments.
My mom did that with me often. Babying me was just one of
her ways of dispensing grace, which was why she was so aptly
named, Grace.
In fact, a little over two years ago, I wrote a devotional
that she really enjoyed. It was titled "Grace Is My Mom's
Name," and I'd like to share it with you. It's as much
about Mom as it is about God's grace.
-- -- --
My mom’s name is Grace.
Growing up, in church, we
always sat in the same place: On the right side, at the end,
three rows from the front, directly behind another Grace. I
was surrounded by Grace! You could say Grace was always near
at hand.
Since kids minds work weird (mine still does) every time we
sang a hymn that contained the word grace, I used to think we
were singing about the two Graces somehow. I mean, who wouldn’t?
Every time Amazing Grace came up, which was fairly
often, it tickled me and I’d chuckle. Then I’d get
smacked. Not too hard, just enough to remind me I was in
church and that meant being quiet. But still I chuckled while
we sang. And so did mom and dad, though they tried to hide it
because they knew why I was chuckling. I was cute then and
cracked them up with stuff like that.
A child’s theology is also a weird thing. My idea of
grace related more to the words, "Just wait until your
father gets home." The sound of this was not so sweet.
But once those words of unwelcome promise were uttered, a lot
of negotiation, pleading, and downright bribery went on --
appealing to Grace -- before dad got home. Fresh picked
wildflowers from the woods across the street often had a great
soothing effect and seemed to erase mom’s memory. Not
always, but usually. And when it worked, that, to me was real
grace!
When the flowers and child’s charm didn’t work, the
words, "This is going to hurt me more than it’s going
to hurt you," just seemed to add insult to the injury I
was about to receive. The injury was more in my mind than on
my behind, but it’d still hurt. Discipline was supposed to
be a form of mercy, but it didn’t feel merciful. It kinda
stung and burned a bit, if you know what I mean.
It’s taken a few years to understand that the grace
applied to my backside truly was merciful, and truly was a
grace of sorts. Part of that realization came the first time I
had to spank my own son. That did hurt me worse than any
spanking I’d ever received. But my intent was to apply the
grace of discipline that would yield obedience and character
in my son.
When God disciplines us, I believe it also hurts Him worse
than it hurts us. After all, His love for us is perfect and
infinite, and He desires us to be holy. He loves us more than
our moms. So, we have really amazing grace. How sweet the
sound! Because it does save a wretch like me, and like you.
God’s grace is free, but not wimpy. It wasn’t won cheaply,
nor is it applied lightly. To His children God applies it
aggressively and lavishly. Aggressive grace can sting, whether
applied in discipline or as cleansing.
Besides wildflowers, the woods also had small streams that
were more like small muddy rivers when it rained. Okay, so can
you guess what me and my little neighborhood buddies would do
when that happened? Yep. We played in the water… and the
mud. I’d come home covered head to toe in mud. What’d mom
do? Simple. She’d hose me down. The water was cold and the
pressure stung. But, once again, that was grace.
Living in this world is like slogging through the mud.
Daily the dirt of life and the sins of our stubborn flesh can
cake us, head to heart, in spiritual mud. And when we come
home to Him, God hoses us down with the washing of His grace.
After the hose, out comes the scrub brush of holiness and the
soap of Jesus’ blood. His love is never-ending, His mercies
are new every morning. Our spiritual skin may get rubbed a bit
raw in the process, but it always feels good to be clean.
-- -- --
Mom's gone now.
We know she's in heaven with dad. She's
walking with Walter and not a walker, on streets of gold, able
to hear and see clearly. No more pain. No more suffering. Her
sweet tremulous voice blending with the angel choirs. If you
listen carefully, you just may hear her.
She wasn't perfect, but she was still a great mom.
She
made a mean blueberry pie and the best brownies in the world!
My best friend, Stephen Owens, will say amen that!
Mom gave me a lot of herself. When I sing, I can sometimes
hear her voice. And she gave me her curls! Unfortunately,
while her hair seems to have gotten curlier over the
years, mine is just getting thinner.
But she also gave me and Sis lessons of grace. She
encouraged us and believed in us. Sis and I were well loved.
And the same was true for all of her grand kids and great
grand kids: Brent, Brenda, and Brook -- she was so very proud
of each of you. And Ellie, Kylie, Addy, Gabby, Jimmy, Brock,
Bradley, and Michael -- she loved you kids
tremendously.
Many years ago it became my habit to call mom nearly every
weekend,
or at least every other weekend. If I went any
longer than that without calling her, she'd call me -- even at
the office -- and ask if I'd lost her phone number or
something. My one regret is that I didn’t call her the
weekend before she died. But I had called her the week prior.
Among her final words to me was the admonition to, "comb
your hair, blow your nose, and tie your shoes."
But that's not all she said. There was one more phrase that
ended every phone call. She said, "I love you." And
I always said the same back to her.
For the love of a godly mother, a most gracious and amazing
Grace, I am truly thankful. Her random acts of grace will live
on forever, even though she will be very much missed.
Thanks, Mom, for everything.
Stephen
R. Clark
Monday, December 18, 2000
First Assembly of God Church
New Castle, Indiana
"Listen, my
child…Don’t neglect your mother’s teaching. What you
learn from them will crown you with grace and clothe
you with honor." Proverbs 1:8-9, New Living Translation
"For the
LORD God is our light and protector. He gives us grace
and glory. No good thing will the LORD withhold from those who
do what is right." Psalm 84:11, NLT
"And now I
entrust you to God and the word of his grace—his
message that is able to build you up and give you an
inheritance with all those he has set apart for himself."
Acts 20:32, NLT
"May grace,
mercy, and peace, which come from God our Father and from
Jesus Christ his Son, be with us who live in truth and
love." 2 John 1:3, NLT
"My purpose
in writing is to encourage you and assure you that the grace
of God is with you no matter what happens." 1 Peter 5:12,
NLT |
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